It’s no secret that I’m a bit of an asshole – not a mean guy, a nice guy but an asshole. I speak my mind, all the time, and those who don’t like it can go fuck a moose. One of my favourite scratching posts is religion. When people ask what my religion is, I say “science”. My view is quite simple: I’m a very firm agnostic, and I think any other stance is pure lunacy, theism and atheism alike.
Divide and Conquer
Last night as I was walking downtown, there were a bunch of people handing out flyers and pamphlets. Most of the time it’s for some wigger club with $10 drinks and $2 hoes, but these were for some pseudo-christian micro-church. As the 3rd guy stretched his arm at me, I quickly glanced at the card in his hand, which bore the slogan “Know God, Know Peace“, and the exact words out of my mouth were “Screw peace, you Jesus freaks can go fuck yourselves“. That right there was some classic Billco! Why did I lash out at this person ? Why wouldn’t a simple “no thanks” suffice ? Because in my view, these people are terrorists and should be stopped. To create a religion, one must define boundaries, some arbitrary distinctions that set this religion apart from all the rest, and from the natural order itself. These boundaries are what prevent humanity from achieving eudaimonia. To ascend, we must work together, something that’s impossible when religions divide us into countless immiscible cliques.
People need religion like they need another hole in their head. Actually, religion is a hole in your head. It’s a back door for others to control you in any way they see fit, to make you their bitch. It’s the adult version of “Simon Says”. God says homosexuals are evil. God says your wife is a whore. God says jews are wrong. You might think the bible, torah or qur’an are full of wisdom and good-natured advice, and they are, but that’s just the bait. They get you hooked on the nice things like “do unto others” and all that hippy-dippy shit, but once you’re part of the club, you’re expected to follow ALL the rules. If you cherry-pick the parts you like and ditch the rest, you’re not a “true christian” or “true muslim”, and it’s a safe bet someone will verbally puke on you for not being holy enough. They don’t like that, they want you to devour it whole, because that’s where the power comes from. It’s like a contract; you agreed with the part about not stealing right ? Then you must also agree with the part about shunning homosexuals, murdering your cheating wife, waging war with anyone with different beliefs…
These are all written in biblical texts, and thus the only people who faithfully adhere to their religion are the homicidal nutjobs we call extremists. If they are considered crazy for taking their religion too seriously, what does that say about the religion itself ? A lot of people pick on Islam, but really they are no different from christianity, judaism, even buddhism. They all coopt a basic ethical model, which they then corrupt to fit their agenda, leading to statements like “Helping dumb kids makes me a good christian”. No, helping dumb kids makes you a nice guy, Jesus has nothing to do with it. Taken to extremes, that becomes “Killing gays makes me a good christian”, and if, like billions of people, you agree with that statement, that makes you a homicidal nutjob too.
Don’t you think that if we didn’t have religion, the world would be a much nicer place ? “Hey, Muslim guy, forget allah; let’s share a pitcher of beer and talk about music and video games and chicks we’d like to bang”. Fuck, I think that would be awesome! And way more fun than any church service!